Leopard in Shade Pastel Painting.

leopard in shade 500 pi

I am reposting my Leopard in Shade pastel painting.  This one I took without direct sunlight.  The image is much better.  The one below is washed out by the afternoon sun.  Enjoy!

leopard in shade 500 pi

Miriam’s Art is pleased to release her Leopard in Shade pastel painting.  It was done at a time of extreme anxiety.  My inner demons are at war.  Slowly I heal.

The golden eyes of the leopard draw the viewers look.  The black spots of the leopard then draw the eye to the grey and blue bark in the foreground.  The intricacy of the bark with spots of beige light is interesting.  The shadows and light on the back of the leopard are also interesting.

I have learned that I speak to my conscious mind.  It is not my subconscious as I had thought.  The subconscious communicates in images, not words.  My conscious delusions then are at war.  One dominant good lover is now evil and raping me.  I stopped yesterday and drew a painting hoping that it was my subconscious communicating with me.  Yes, I was raped.  My subconscious is desperately trying to tell me this.  I have to help my subconscious to heal.  It communicates with images and dreams.  How will I help my subconscious to rest?  Music, art and mindfulness I think.  And writing out my story.  I have written a rough first draft of a book of my life with my delusions.  Now I have to decide whether to rewrite it or edit it.  The painting once again soothed my tattered soul.  My spirit is awake and surviving as well.  Slowly I heal.

I tried a new painting technique this time.  I painted a dark image on white paper hoping that the colours would be clearer.  Unfortunately, I had to shade with black to darken in the shadows of the image.  The white of the background showed through the pastel chalk.  So painting a dark image on white is not a good idea.  However, the colours of the bark in the foreground were clearer than they would have been on grey paper.

My internet is down so I can’t post this right away.  I will save it for later.  Please forgive me for the technical problems.  Such is life!

This painting is for sale if you are interested.  Please contact me at miriamsart@outlook.com.  Enjoy!

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Leopard in Shade Pastel Painting.

leopard in shade 500 pi

Miriam’s Art is pleased to release her Leopard in Shade pastel painting.  It was done at a time of extreme anxiety.  My inner demons are at war.  Slowly I heal.

The golden eyes of the leopard draw the viewers look.  The black spots of the leopard then draw the eye to the grey and blue bark in the foreground.  The intricacy of the bark with spots of beige light is interesting.  The shadows and light on the back of the leopard are also interesting.

I have learned that I speak to my conscious mind.  It is not my subconscious as I had thought.  The subconscious communicates in images, not words.  My conscious delusions then are at war.  One dominant good lover is now evil and raping me.  I stopped yesterday and drew a painting hoping that it was my subconscious communicating with me.  Yes, I was raped.  My subconscious is desperately trying to tell me this.  I have to help my subconscious to heal.  It communicates with images and dreams.  How will I help my subconscious to rest?  Music, art and mindfulness I think.  And writing out my story.  I have written a rough first draft of a book of my life with my delusions.  Now I have to decide whether to rewrite it or edit it.  The painting once again soothed my tattered soul.  My spirit is awake and surviving as well.  Slowly I heal.

I tried a new painting technique this time.  I painted a dark image on white paper hoping that the colours would be clearer.  Unfortunately, I had to shade with black to darken in the shadows of the image.  The white of the background showed through the pastel chalk.  So painting a dark image on white is not a good idea.  However, the colours of the bark in the foreground were clearer than they would have been on grey paper.

My internet is down so I can’t post this right away.  I will save it for later.  Please forgive me for the technical problems.  Such is life!

This painting is for sale if you are interested.  Please contact me at miriamsart@outlook.com.  Enjoy!

New Article Highlights Jaguar Corridor Initiative

Interesting blog about jaguar corridors!

The Jaguar

Jaguar by Erwin Cortes. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

Back in February of 2016, I released a post about the importance of landscape connectivity for tigers. Populations of large mammals that become isolated are vulnerable to local extinctions, as a result of: inbreeding, stochastic events (natural disasters and other unpredictable happenings), poaching, and more. This new article by Becky Ferreira highlights a crucial project designed to maintain habitat connectivity for jaguars.

Jaguars are unique among large predators, in that they have no genetically distinct subspecies. All jaguars, ranging from Southern Arizona to Northern Argentina, belong to the same species. But the genetic integrity of Panthera onca is increasingly threatened by habitat loss and fragmentation. That’s where Panthera’s Jaguar Corridor Initiative comes in.

The big cat NGO (non-governmental organization) Panthera is attempting to maintain landscape connectivity for jaguars. For years, they have been systematically determining which routes jaguars are using to move…

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Do I need a Psychiatrist or a Psychologist? I’m confused.

kyle-glenn-336141-unsplash 500 pi

I made a request to my psychiatrist asking to see a psychologist.  Their is a difference he told me with a little bit of disdain.  Slowly I heal.

I have been confused about this for a long time.  Psychiatrist versus psychologist.  Therapist is what then?

The internet defines the following:

psychiatrist:  a medical practitioner specializing in the diagnosis and treatment of mental illness.  He treats mental illness with medicine.

psychologist:  a mental health professional who evaluates and studies behavior and mental processes. an expert or specialist in psychology.  Psychology is more of a behaviorist approach.

therapist:  a social worker or a psychologist.

psychotherapy:  the treatment of mental disorder by psychological rather than medical means.

I thought that I was in therapy when I went to see my psychiatrist.  This is wrong.  A psychiatrist merely provides medication without talking about the issues underlying the condition.  My psychiatrist quickly told me in the past that he doesn’t do counseling.  Counseling is provided by therapy.  Therapy is provided by social workers or psychologists.  He also said that he dealt with medicine.  And that psychologists often didn’t support medicine.  So there’s a bit of attitude between the two professions.

If you want to talk about the underlying reason for your mental illness you have to go to counseling.  What I found however was that with social workers they didn’t want to talk about the nitty gritty details but rather talked in generalities.  I need to talk specifically about what happened to me and my reaction to it.  S P E C I F I C A L L Y.  I need to say it out loud over and over again so as to free my soul.  I feel this deep inside.  I know this because when I try to do mindfulness or meditation, thoughts of my abuse still come to me.  In an intimate way.  It’s not enough to talk in generalities if I want to be free of what happened.  If I want my mind to heal.  Therefore I need the help of a psychologist.  Be careful, they are expensive.  But if you are lucky your health benefits will pay for them.  The medication and my psychiatrist have calmed my anxiety.  But if I want to be free of the abuse in my mind, I have to talk about it to someone specialized in psychology.

I am a bit angry.  Why did I have to come to this realization by myself?  Why wasn’t it recommended right away?!  And I have been confused for a long time about the difference between the two.  Hence this post.  Please forgive me for the rant.

I’ve said it before.  It’s not enough to treat the symptoms.  You have to talk about the underlying cause of mental illness.  Therefore this means therapy.  Therefore this means that a psychologist AND a psychiatrist should be involved.  If you are currently under the care of a psychiatrist and need to talk about the reasons for your mental illness, then you need a social worker or a psychologist as well.  I would go so far as to say that you need a psychologist rather than a social worker.  Check if your benefits cover one.  Make an appointment today!

Keep fighting!  Slowly I heal.

Recognizing the Signs of Suicidal Thoughts

An excellent post. Worth the read.

The Bipolar Writer Blog - A Mental Health Blog

My First Thoughts on Recognizing Suicidal Thoughts

I have been through some of the worst suicidal thoughts over the past ten years. I have never been great at recognizing how bad my suicidal thoughts have gotten until its too late. It usually takes a very big spiral, a suicide attempt, and me laying in a hospital bed wondering where how I got there.

It was that way for the first five years since my diagnosis. I got better over time with taking suicidal thought and changing them. I haven’t attempted suicide since 2010, but there have been times in the last seven years that I got close. (More the first four years than the last three.)

The most dramatic choice that a mentally ill individual can make in their life is suicide. I have to agree because it has been that way in my experience since my diagnosis of the…

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Lioness and Cub WIP pastel painting.

lion mother and cub 500 pi

Miriam’s Art is pleased to show her Lioness and cub WIP pastel painting.  She is taking a day off today.  Enjoy!

Here you can see a bit of how a pastel painting is done.  Pastels are like a chalk.  You can layer more than one color at a time as in the background.  Or you can use sticks or pencils to make actual lines as in the lioness’ face.  You can also change the color of the paper however I tend to use grey.  It’s not often that I’ll buy a different color.  The eyes are the most important part when painting an animal.  They draw the viewer in.

I am taking a break today.  I’m reading a romance and taking care of my cat Echo.  He is sick.  I even had to help him use the litter today.  But he’s complaining today.  And he ate yesterday and had water today.  So I think that he’s slowly getting better.  I hope so!  I love the Old Man!  I should be reading one of my two healing books but it’s been a bit much lately.  Going to the drop-in sessions is hard.  It makes me think.  Plus I have to overcome my anxiety to get there so it’s very tiring.  My mind is tired.  I’ll see if I go this week.  So I’m reading a romance.  I love romances.  I can hold Echo as I read.

It’s recommended that you listen to your body when you are depressed or have anxiety.  It’s alright to take a day off every once in a while.  I try to take Sunday’s off to relax.  But today I did some errands and then I just got tired.  So I listened to my body and relaxed while reading.  I am tired and recognize the fact so I am taking steps to relax.

The reason that I am painting a lioness with her cub is that I am a grandmother now!  Hallelujah!  And what a miracle it is.  So I am inspired to paint mothers with children.  I might do another watercolor of a human mother and child next.  I have to sketch it first though.  The painting soothes my tattered soul.  Slowly I heal…never stop fighting!

Happy Thanksgiving USA!

Hppy Thnksgvng USA 500 pi

Miriam’s Art wishes Happy Thanksgiving to all her USA friends!  Have a wonderful day and safe travels!

Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks.  Thanks for all that we have.  The food, the shelter and the love.  It could also be a time to remember indigenous people and their need for help and respect.  Share the joy of living and show respect to indigenous people.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash with modifications.

Blocking out things and positive counter statements.

samuel-scrimshaw-361563 500 pi

Miriam speaks of blocking out things and positive counter statements.  Slowly she heals.

I had an appointment and blocked out all of my fear.  I didn’t notice that it was there although it was there subconsciously.  I blocked it all out so that I could function normally.  The appointment was positive and I am doing better health wise with maintaining a better diet.  I still have things to do so that I can loose weight.  But walking is good!

When I got home I analyzed my fear and the blocking out event.  I am doing this to better understand when, how and why I block things out.  My anxiety/fear was moderate but it was still there.  Here is the form I am using now.

Blocked Out Thoughts 500 pi

So I am analyzing what I feel when I block things out.  For me it is fear.  And then I analyze the fear, belief in a negative statement and belief in a positive counter statement.  The positive counter statement helps to reduce the belief in a negative thought and the subsequent fear or emotion.  Slowly I heal.

Blocking out thoughts and self-hate thoughts.

alisa-anton-166247 500 pi

Miriam speaks of blocking out thoughts and having self-hating thoughts.  Slowly she heals.

The way I have survived from my bad experience as I child was to block it out.  Apparently this is normal for abuse victims.  Some of them don’t think of what they are doing.  Lately I have been reading and using that to block out everything.  I just follow the story and read as if my life depends on it.  A way to heal from this is to become aware of when you block things out.  So I have made a form to help me.  That will be my job for the next weeks.  I will notice when I am blocking things out.

spaced-out events 2

One also has thoughts of self-hate.  This form will help me to become aware of times of self-hate and what I am thinking.

self-hating talk

I plan to use this form in the up and coming weeks.  Slowly I heal.

Groundbreaking new Study Finds that Pumas may not be as Solitary as they Appear

Interesting post by The Jaguar.

The Jaguar

Out of the Darkness by Valerie. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

A landmark study has just been released by scientists from the big cat conservation group Panthera. It describes repeat observations of relatively peaceful, social interactions between a supposedly solitary carnivore: the puma (AKA mountain lion, cougar, Florida panther, Puma concolor).

The study, led by Dr. Mark Elbroch, took place in northwestern Wyoming. Elbroch and his colleagues put GPS collars on 16 pumas, which allowed them to track the cats’ movements. When the data from a puma’s collar indicated a cluster of points in one area, the scientists visited the location to see if the cat had made a kill. When it had, they placed motion-activated video cameras at the site (Elbroch, Levy, Lubell, Quigley, & Caragiuol, 2017).

Elbroch et al. (2017) were able to record remarkable interactions between pumas. They found that unrelated cats…

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