Cream Water Droplet WIP.

cream water droplet 500 pi

Miriam’s Art is pleased to share her Cream Water Droplet Work In Progress pastel painting.  She is painting less.  Is this a good sign?  Slowly she heals.

This is a complicated water droplet painting.  It has many water droplets in focus and then the background has even more blurred.  The technique of blurring them will be interesting.  There is a slight blue hue to the main water droplet as you can see.  Hopefully there is not too many droplets in this one.  I’ll see.

This painting was started at a time of low anxiety.  It is a time of joy!  I am walking more so I have less time to paint.  The weather is beautiful and nature has always been a source of joy.  In addition I am reading more.  I enjoy romances.  All of this combined means that I am painting less.  This may signify that I don’t need to paint as much.  My anxiety is so much less now.  The painting however still soothes my soul.  I am doing more in my home and getting out more.  For example there is an Author Meet and Greet at my library today that I am going to.  I am actually going to mingle with the public!  With people that I don’t know.  Wish me luck!  Slowly I heal.

Advertisements

Pearls of Wisdom.

alisa-anton-166247 500 pi

Miriam reflects on her own personal pearls of wisdom.  Sometimes the intimate stuff should remain with you and not be shared.  These are called pearls of wisdom.  That only you know about.  Slowly I heal.

I was faced with the dilemma of how much to tell a friend about my illness.  My counselor recommended that I keep the pearls of wisdom to myself.  It was enough that my friend know that I had been abused and that I had anxiety but the rest I could keep to myself.  She didn’t have to know the nitty-gritty details.  Those I could keep to myself.  It’s the same with this blog.  I have to remember that I have pearls of wisdom that I should keep to myself.  But some things I have shared already.  It is also possible to post about things in general.  Like how it takes courage to face your anxiety.  You don’t have to go into all the details.  But I do try to be honest in my writing.  And it has helped to share.  Thank you for being there.  xx  🙂

#ME TOO

alisa-anton-166247 500 pi

You may well ask what #ME TOO means.  It’s breaking the silence about sexual abuse and showing you that it’s more prevalent than you think.  An American film producer has been exposed as having abused women.  He’s not the first celebrity in the news who has done this.  People are posting #ME TOO on social media to show that they too have been sexually abused.  Sexual abuse is more prevalent than you think.  Instead of saying that women are raped one should say that men rape women.  Put emphasis on the culprit rather than the victim.  However even women can be sexual abusers.

But enough of my rant.  Back to my healing journey.

I have had great anxiety in my life.  In 2013 it became a lot worse.  My fight or flight mechanism is totally out of whack because of the fear I felt when I was a child and was abused.  My fear was that great.  Now my body has decided that I need to heal from that and I had blocked it all out for a long time.  I realize now that my abuser must have threatened me for me to fear so much.  I even feared for my loved ones. So my abuser might have threatened them too.  It’s terrible what abuse does to an individual.  Years, no decades later a problem arises.  Be kind to one another.  How can I say that and get people to do it?  Don’t force people and don’t harm them.  Walk in harmony with your fellow man.  Peace.

World Mental Health Day and my healing journey.

alisa-anton-166247 500 pi

It is World Mental Health Day.  What can I say?  Talk about your illness to someone.  And listen!  Slowly I heal.

Today was a difficult day.  Motherly advice was not taken well and another daughter doesn’t want to talk about it!  I was anxious.  Was it something I said?  Such simple problems in a relatively uncomplicated life and yet they are extremely important to me.  My children are my number one priority.  They are the meaning of my life.  As a parent one must sometimes say things that are hard to hear.  But I am more aware and brave now to say things.  And it came time for that this weekend.  I apologized to them.  I’m not sure that it was appreciated!  So it made me anxious.  Disrupted my whole day.  They mean so much to me.  What can I say.  Time will heal all disaccord.  Stay calm!  And wait.

I should have gone for a walk today but I was distracted by my thoughts for my daughters.  So I didn’t.  To calm down I watched television.  Then I decided to look into a couple of important things that I have put off.  So my time was well spent.  I almost ruined my painting this morning.  I just was too distracted.  And I couldn’t read my romance.  I was too distracted.  I read both my healing books though although I didn’t get very far.

I am to nurture my inner child.  Apparently we all have one no matter our age.  I need to show her compassion and understanding.  The suggestion to watch children was so that I remember just how innocent they are and how dependent they are on their mothers or fathers.  I was a child.  And innocent.  It was.  not.  my.  fault.  This I have to remember.

I also read about mistaken beliefs and affirmations that one can make to counter them.  An example of one mistaken belief is that I will never amount to anything.  The affirmation to counter this is that I have already amounted to a lot and am still learning.  I stay forever young as I learn things each day.  I am worthy of praise.  I have done much.

But enough.  World Mental Health Day.  One should break the silence and reach out to a friend, a family member, an associate or maybe a priest.  Talk about what is happening to you.  Don’t just say that you are fine, smile and walk away.  Be honest about your pain.  Even if it’s on an anonymous blog that you haven’t shown any of your friends yet!  Speak of your pain and be free!  And if you know of someone with mental health issues then listen closely.  Wait and ask again if they are fine.  Say really are you OK? and then wait and  LISTEN.  We are all engrossed in our every day life that we sometimes don’t realize the pain or the agony of the one saying that they are fine.  Look deeper and see the true self…see the soul of the individual.  And ask again, How are you?

Crouching Leopard WIP and my healing journey.

crouching leopard 500 pi

Miriam’s Art is pleased to show her Crouching Leopard WIP pastel painting.  She is also doing so much more recently and has not had time to post.  Slowly she heals but has to take a day to rest.

The stare of the crouching cougar draws you immediately to the painting.  You can see the way I do the background…it isn’t blended in smoothly yet.  And you can see that I am doing the crouching leopard in sections.  The black dots would have been too much but if I do it section by section it is easier.

Lately I have been doing too much.  Usually I either walk or run an errand in one day.  Never both.  Recently I have done doing both.  And I have been walking for five days this week.  So I’ve either done too much or the physical exercise is affecting my medication.  I was very tired yesterday and got overly anxious.  And I had taken my medication as prescribed.  So today I am not walking.  And I won’t see my friend next week probably.  Although I do have Thanksgiving supper planned.  Hopefully that won’t be too stressful.  So I have forgotten to nurture me.  Today I take a day off.  I might go out for a mocha latte.  That is how I treat myself.  Or I just might have hot tea with milk!  I am even too tired to go out.  This has taught me that I have to do things slowly and not too much in a week.  Slowly I heal.

I have tried to paint more this week.  And not just read.  Reading tires me more than painting does.  Painting is soothing to the soul.  This painting should be done by the end of next week.  I love the look in the leopard’s eyes.  And I love the color of the leopard.  Enjoy!

Blue Water Droplet Pastel Painting.

blue water droplet 500 pi

Miriam’s Art is pleased to release her Blue Water Droplet pastel painting.  It was a relief to paint such a simple thing.  Slowly she heals.

The reflected white of the water droplet immediately attracts the viewer’s eye.  The dark blue and black of the water droplet contrast well with the reflected white.  The white and black tufts of the plant bring a further dimension to the painting.  The blue and dark blue background contrast well with the water droplet itself.

After the detailed painting of the clouds, this water droplet was a joy to paint.  It was quickly and simply done. Painting it brought all the healing that my painting had previously given me.  It was a joy.

Water droplets intrigue me.  That is why I have started painting them.  Painting the reflected surface is always a challenge.  I think I did well.  The white reflection defines the water droplet.

This is a 12×18″ painting.  It is available for sale.  Pricing can be found under the Shop Now option on my website under Portfolio (at the top of the page).  http://www.miriamsart.com

Enjoy!

Cougar and My Healing Journey.

cougar 500 pi

Miriam’s Art is pleased to release her Cougar pastel painting.  In addition she shows her Seagulls and Clouds pastel painting.  She also talks of her healing journey.  Enjoy!

I am sorry I didn’t post on Saturday.  My daughter had to borrow my computer for the weekend!  I have it back now.  Yahoo!

The goldish brown cougar magnificently perches on a branch.  Will he spring towards the viewer.  No one knows!

I also finished the cloud painting that I was having so much trouble with.

seagulls n clouds 500 pi

As you know a Facebook post inspired me to try this.  However I could not use the technique showed in the post.  I don’t know where that man obtained his eraser but it doesn’t exist in my town.  So I tried to use white pastel to highlight the clouds.  Then for more contrast I used black.  This is my first attempt at clouds.  The birds are done with acrylic paints and they give depth to the painting.

I have been reading more … that is romance fiction.  This has made me more aware of my surroundings.  I used to paint and not really consciously think of my surroundings and my illness.  I healed at times but I didn’t really think about it all the time.  Now I am more aware and can be more critical.  In addition my children and my home were enough to keep me happy.  Now I am reaching out to a good friend.  The circle of support around me expands.

I heard of a meditation technique today.  One should sit or lay down in a comfortable position.  Then the individual should take many deep breaths and concentrate on the breathing.  Do you feel the pulse.  Then they should concentrate on where there body meets the chair or couch and concentrate on that part of their body.  All the while breathing deeply.  Then one should expand one’s thoughts and think of the room that they are in.  Concentrate.  Then think of the house that you are in.  Concentrate.  Then think of looking down at your house from above.  Then think of being in the sky and looking down at your house.  Then think of being in space and looking down at your hemisphere.  Think of looking down at yourself.  Breath deeply.  Then think of being above your house and looking down.  Then think of being in the room and looking down.  Then think of the parts of your body touching the chair.  Then 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 open your eyes.  And breath.

This meditation technique takes you out of the moment and out of your body.  Where you can think of other things than what is bothering you.  You are free of your body for a moment.

My healing journey…

ross-hughes-162091 unsplash 500 pi

Miriam speaks of a change in attitude with a change in what helps distract her from her anxiety.  Slowly she heals.

I am reading more which I think is making me more analytical of my anxiety.  My art helped me to process subconsciously and to block awareness of my anxiety.  This was very therapeutic for a long time.  But now as I am reading more…for leisure…I find that I am thinking more.  I have faced many of my fears.  I am more analytical of what and why I fear.  At the same time there is an opening of my mind.  Suddenly I need more than just my home and my children.  It is time for a friend.  However I still have to deal with my anxiety.  It is less but it is still there.  An example is that today I was overwrought about simple things and when I would do them.  Simple everyday things that usually I can schedule and juggle but today there was a lot of anxiety over the juggling.  The reason might be because I changed where I am walking everyday.  It is new and therefore there is anxiety.  I went there and there were a lot more people around than I am used to.  I persevered and pushed myself to take my walk but the anxiety was great.  In addition I am tired because of the anxiety of talking to a friend.  It is all very tiring.  Then on top of that there was the anxiety of when to do the simple errands that I had to run.  All mixed up with a new place to walk.

But I have done enough changes for a while.  Now I have to rest and let it settle.  Let it become routine before I try to change anything else.  Baby steps…and slowly I heal.

Talking to a friend…

ali-yahya-266415 unsplash 500 pi

Miriam took a chance and talked to a friend … she broke the silence.  But before she asked herself  some questions.  Slowly I heal.

When you are weighed down by your troubles it helps to talk to someone about them.  But before you do there are some questions that you could be asking yourself.  They are:

  • “I want to talk about….
  • I don’t want to talk about …
  • I expect …
  • I’m going to do it (on what date) …
  • I’m going to talk to them where?
  • I’m going to set up ahead of time by …
  • The response I’d like is …
  • I’m going to ask for …
  • It’s ok for them to tell…
  • It’s not ok for them to tell…”

(page 248-250; The Courage to Heal; Laura Davis; 1990; New York).

So I prepared myself with these questions and was ready to talk to my friend.  I chose a coffee shop hoping that I wouldn’t cry.  It worked!  She thanked me for my trust and it was a very positive experience.  Now another person knows which is good.

Slowly I heal…

Cougar WIP Pastel Painting.

cougar 500 pi

Miriam’s Art is pleased to show her Cougar WIP pastel painting.  She took the time to paint today.  It’s a much better way of calming down than reading.  Slowly she heals.

The cougar is resting on a branch sloping downwards.  The powerful musculature of the cat is evident in the painting.  It is a majestic animal.  The grey branches support the cougar.

I have been avoiding painting because I have been too stressed and tired.  Now that I am walking almost every day the calm of the morning is no longer used for painting.  Then I read when I get home and I have been neglecting my painting.  The painting soothes my nerves a lot better than reading and it’s not as tiring.

I am trying a new technique with the background of this majestic big cat.  I just want to add a hint of light.  But I have to erase it more to give it a hazy look.  Light not quite in focus.  The branches that the cougar is not perched on should be hazy too so I have to work on them more.  I am going to define the musculature more in the cat.  It’s hard to see it under the skin.

This is a work in progress (WIP).  Not the finished painting.  I’ll be posting the finished painting later.  Enjoy!