Negative Beliefs and Positive Affirmations.

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I have been working on many negative beliefs that I have trying to counteract them with positive affirmations.  Slowly I heal.

We all have negative beliefs.  Some stem from the way we were brought up and could be our parents’ beliefs.  But some of mine stem from the abuse I went through as a child.  These negative beliefs create anxiety too.  To counter act negative beliefs positive affirmations can be used.  But also statements like the following:

  1. This isn’t always true.
  2. This doesn’t look at the whole picture.
  3. This doesn’t promote healing or a well being.
  4. This thought comes from my abuse or from my upbringing or from a negative experience in life.

Some negative beliefs we feel strongly and frequently and others we believe very strongly.  Some examples of negative beliefs are:

  1.  It’s a dangerous world out there.
  2.  I am ugly.
  3.  I am stupid.
  4.  I have to be perfect.
  5.  I feel powerless or helpless.

I have been using the Anxiety & Phobia Workbook by Edmund J Bourne (page 222; see the resources tap on my website http://www.miriamsart.com) and he has helped me to write down some positive affirmations to counteract the negative beliefs that I have.  Some of these positive affirmations are:

  1. I am a good person and have done much good.
  2. It’s alright to make mistakes.  You’re not perfect and only human.
  3. You are a beautiful survivor.
  4. You are strong.

To be honest I have 40 negative beliefs that I have to actively work on.  I plan to type out the positive affirmations that I have come up with.  Then I plan to incorporate them into my life two per week.  I will look in the mirror every morning for a week and say the two positive affirmations out loud.  Once I have gone through all of them, every morning I will pick one of them and say it out loud looking at myself in the mirror.  I think that it will work!  What do you think?  Any suggestions?

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Taking a day off…Haha!

 

Taking a day off…Haha!

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I have been avoiding my healing exercises about negative thoughts and yes even about blocking.  I took the day off yesterday.  Slowly I heal.

Over 20 negative beliefs have shaped my life and now I have to figure out positive affirmations to help deal with them.  That is over 20 positive affirmations.  I am at a loss of how I can implement that many.  I am overwhelmed.  Plus when I block I do it subconsciously.  I sometimes don’t know what I fear because I don’t think of it consciously.  I just go about my life and do things.  But I’ve been blocking for a long time.

I work hard at healing for my children and especially for one.  She helped me to see how important it was.  However I have to apologize to you and to her.  Yesterday I took the day off.  I was walking in the mall and came across a flavored popcorn store.  I bought two types of popcorn, came home and rented a movie when I should have been working on my healing stuff.  I admit!  I played hooky and did not work.  But we all have to do that sometimes.  I watched The Hitman’s Bodyguard.  It was an action film and pretty good.  I even had a diet coke!  Just like at the movies!  Haha!

So please forgive me but today I feel a lot better.  Less anxious.  More light hearted.  Slowly I heal…

My healing journey…

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I have come to a place in my healing journey that needs effort and attention.  I have to analyse when I block things out which takes time.  And I’m looking at negative beliefs from childhood.  Slowly I heal.

It’s hard for me to analyze when I block things out since I do it subconsciously.  With the help of a form I am recording the date and time, how long it was, what I was doing, who was with me and what they were doing, how I was feeling and what was disturbing me.  In addition since I block out my thoughts when I am anxious I rate my fear, I rate the belief in the negative thought, I rate my belief in a positive counter statement, and then I rate the subsequent belief in the initial negative thought and my emotion at that time.  With this I hope to better understand when I block things out and why.  But it’s taking a big effort because I don’t think about it when I’m doing it.  I am so used to doing it that it’s hard to pin point when I’m doing it.  If that makes sense.

I am also looking at negative beliefs.  I have about 30 of them.  For each one I am trying to see if it’s true all the time, if it’s promoting healing and whether it stems from childhood.  Some of my negative beliefs are due to a bad experience I had as a child.  Some are due to the way that I was brought up.  For each negative belief I am trying to formulate a positive affirmation that can help me stop believing in that negative belief.  This is work.  I plan to take the list of 30 affirmations and look at them every day trying to make them part of my thinking process.  Hopefully that will help.  But it’s work!  And it takes time!

Slowly I heal…

My healing journey…

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Miriam speaks of her healing journey.  It is winter now.  New everyday worries increasing her anxiety.  With courage, slowly she heals.

I had thought not to post today.  I feel that I haven’t had anything worth saying but then thought of all of my followers.  I am facing anxiety in a more conscious way now.  I read a book that touched me in a negative way.  My whole routine is in jeopardy.  My coping mechanisms are working but it takes all my courage to go out and walk.  My anxiety is so great.  On top of that winter has come.  It brings with it new worries.  Worries about snow tires, scraping the windshield (which I hate with a passion!) and warming the car.  Before it was driving that caused me some anxiety now it is winter!  Will the car start?  Do I have enough time to let it warm up?  Will the roads be slippery?  Is a snow storm coming?  Will I be caught in a storm?  It goes on and on.  So I do some mindfulness while I wait for my daughter as I am warming up the car.  Now for sure I have to be ready before her so that I have time to warm up the car.  I did this anyway but now I have to do it!  Thank you!  Just writing this down has made me laugh.  Thank you for being there.  It helps writing about it.

I am more conscious of my anxiety.  And what it does to me.  But with courage I face my fear and continue on.  I went for my walk today and afterwards bought myself a mocha latte.  That is my reward when I face my fear.  In addition I bought a cookie with my meager change.  The lady gave me two!  I sat in the mall and ate them as I drank my mocha latte.  I relaxed and looked around me.  Appreciating where I was.  Appreciating.  There was a spot set up for a Remembrance Day celebration.  I appreciated what soldiers, pilots and sailors have done for me.  I appreciated their commitment and service.  There is much to be thankful for.  Thank you for your service.  I took a moment.  Looked out beyond my fear and saw that the world was good.  It helped getting out today.  So I say thank you to myself.  Instead of blocking my fear and succumbing to it I went out and saw that the world was good.  Now I have to notice when I am blocking things out and start working on that.  Slowly I heal.

Photo by Samuel Scrimshaw on Unsplash

My healing journey…

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I have taken a step back and have to use my new acquired tools to heal.  Slowly I heal.

I read a book that brought back memories.  Bad memories.  The book was supposed to be a romance.  The book caused anxiety so I had an anxiety attack when I wanted to go walking.  I didn’t go walking that day but the next day I used positive counter statements to decrease the anxiety.  Then I succeeded in going walking.  So I thought of a positive statement that made the fear less real and less probable.  This statement increased my confidence and courage so much that I was able to go walking.  When I got home though I just read.  It was like I wanted to block out any thought.  My anxiety was so great.  So I didn’t paint or draw.  I just read for the rest of the week.  Therefore I have no art to show you today.

I am going to paint a small rat with a bunny for a baby’s change table.  I have to design it and then I’ll be painting it using acrylic paints.  I am going to be a grandmother for the first time.  Oh joy!  A new baby will arrive in December.  Such a miracle!  Such a joy!  My daughter has pet rats and wants her child to get used to rats so I will be painting a rat with a bunny on the change table doors.  It’s my next project.

Slowly I heal.

My Healing Journey.

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Miriam speaks of her healing journey.  She is distracted by family and her usual routine is disrupted in a good way.  Please forgive!  Slowly she heals.

I feel that I haven’t made much progress but I am slowly healing.  I am not reading The Courage to Heal unless I have to.  I talk to my counselor every second week and that’s when I read the book.  I’ll try to read some today.  In addition it is birthday month in my house.  Two of my daughters have birthdays in October which means people coming over and me going for a walk later than usual.  I had family over and it was alright.  Last year I was too anxious for people to come over.  I am better now.  Slowly I heal.

We also went walking later than I usually do.  I was tired and try to run errands and such in the morning.  We walked in the late afternoon.  That put me out of my comfort zone which was a good thing.  I survived although I was anxious about driving in traffic.  But it was enjoyable being with family.  It was enjoyable being in nature.  I actually relaxed enough to relate to my family and enjoy the companionship.  Although I was quiet.  I enjoyed listening to the banter.  Slowly I heal.

Take the time to go out in nature.  Take the time to notice the fall colors.  It is beautiful out there as nature takes a moment to pause before the extreme weather of winter.  Enjoy the beauty.  Get out in nature.  Do it!

Cream Water Droplet WIP.

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Miriam’s Art is pleased to share her Cream Water Droplet Work In Progress pastel painting.  She is painting less.  Is this a good sign?  Slowly she heals.

This is a complicated water droplet painting.  It has many water droplets in focus and then the background has even more blurred.  The technique of blurring them will be interesting.  There is a slight blue hue to the main water droplet as you can see.  Hopefully there is not too many droplets in this one.  I’ll see.

This painting was started at a time of low anxiety.  It is a time of joy!  I am walking more so I have less time to paint.  The weather is beautiful and nature has always been a source of joy.  In addition I am reading more.  I enjoy romances.  All of this combined means that I am painting less.  This may signify that I don’t need to paint as much.  My anxiety is so much less now.  The painting however still soothes my soul.  I am doing more in my home and getting out more.  For example there is an Author Meet and Greet at my library today that I am going to.  I am actually going to mingle with the public!  With people that I don’t know.  Wish me luck!  Slowly I heal.

Pearls of Wisdom.

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Miriam reflects on her own personal pearls of wisdom.  Sometimes the intimate stuff should remain with you and not be shared.  These are called pearls of wisdom.  That only you know about.  Slowly I heal.

I was faced with the dilemma of how much to tell a friend about my illness.  My counselor recommended that I keep the pearls of wisdom to myself.  It was enough that my friend know that I had been abused and that I had anxiety but the rest I could keep to myself.  She didn’t have to know the nitty-gritty details.  Those I could keep to myself.  It’s the same with this blog.  I have to remember that I have pearls of wisdom that I should keep to myself.  But some things I have shared already.  It is also possible to post about things in general.  Like how it takes courage to face your anxiety.  You don’t have to go into all the details.  But I do try to be honest in my writing.  And it has helped to share.  Thank you for being there.  xx  🙂

#ME TOO

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You may well ask what #ME TOO means.  It’s breaking the silence about sexual abuse and showing you that it’s more prevalent than you think.  An American film producer has been exposed as having abused women.  He’s not the first celebrity in the news who has done this.  People are posting #ME TOO on social media to show that they too have been sexually abused.  Sexual abuse is more prevalent than you think.  Instead of saying that women are raped one should say that men rape women.  Put emphasis on the culprit rather than the victim.  However even women can be sexual abusers.

But enough of my rant.  Back to my healing journey.

I have had great anxiety in my life.  In 2013 it became a lot worse.  My fight or flight mechanism is totally out of whack because of the fear I felt when I was a child and was abused.  My fear was that great.  Now my body has decided that I need to heal from that and I had blocked it all out for a long time.  I realize now that my abuser must have threatened me for me to fear so much.  I even feared for my loved ones. So my abuser might have threatened them too.  It’s terrible what abuse does to an individual.  Years, no decades later a problem arises.  Be kind to one another.  How can I say that and get people to do it?  Don’t force people and don’t harm them.  Walk in harmony with your fellow man.  Peace.

World Mental Health Day and my healing journey.

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It is World Mental Health Day.  What can I say?  Talk about your illness to someone.  And listen!  Slowly I heal.

Today was a difficult day.  Motherly advice was not taken well and another daughter doesn’t want to talk about it!  I was anxious.  Was it something I said?  Such simple problems in a relatively uncomplicated life and yet they are extremely important to me.  My children are my number one priority.  They are the meaning of my life.  As a parent one must sometimes say things that are hard to hear.  But I am more aware and brave now to say things.  And it came time for that this weekend.  I apologized to them.  I’m not sure that it was appreciated!  So it made me anxious.  Disrupted my whole day.  They mean so much to me.  What can I say.  Time will heal all disaccord.  Stay calm!  And wait.

I should have gone for a walk today but I was distracted by my thoughts for my daughters.  So I didn’t.  To calm down I watched television.  Then I decided to look into a couple of important things that I have put off.  So my time was well spent.  I almost ruined my painting this morning.  I just was too distracted.  And I couldn’t read my romance.  I was too distracted.  I read both my healing books though although I didn’t get very far.

I am to nurture my inner child.  Apparently we all have one no matter our age.  I need to show her compassion and understanding.  The suggestion to watch children was so that I remember just how innocent they are and how dependent they are on their mothers or fathers.  I was a child.  And innocent.  It was.  not.  my.  fault.  This I have to remember.

I also read about mistaken beliefs and affirmations that one can make to counter them.  An example of one mistaken belief is that I will never amount to anything.  The affirmation to counter this is that I have already amounted to a lot and am still learning.  I stay forever young as I learn things each day.  I am worthy of praise.  I have done much.

But enough.  World Mental Health Day.  One should break the silence and reach out to a friend, a family member, an associate or maybe a priest.  Talk about what is happening to you.  Don’t just say that you are fine, smile and walk away.  Be honest about your pain.  Even if it’s on an anonymous blog that you haven’t shown any of your friends yet!  Speak of your pain and be free!  And if you know of someone with mental health issues then listen closely.  Wait and ask again if they are fine.  Say really are you OK? and then wait and  LISTEN.  We are all engrossed in our every day life that we sometimes don’t realize the pain or the agony of the one saying that they are fine.  Look deeper and see the true self…see the soul of the individual.  And ask again, How are you?