Took a moment…

lake 500 pi

I took a moment today to be calm and relax.  This is the view of the lake from my car.  I had a mocha latte which is my reward for facing my fears.

I have been caught up in the bustle of every day errands.  Groceries and such.  And I’ve had anxiety.  So I listened to my subconscious and thought what am I anxious about.  What’s making my subconscious make me anxious.  It was fear.  Fear of my abuser.  He doesn’t know that I know that he raped me.  But he probably knows that I’ve been mentally ill.  You see his family has ties to friends of my mother’s.  However I am not friends with them.  So no one of my mother’s friends knows the reason for my mental illness.  So I am relatively safe.  But my fear now is what if he finds out?  Will he try to harm me or my family?  I have to be careful on Facebook I think.  I phoned the police.  I have to go in physically and talk to an officer.  I’m going to do that soon.  I have talked to an officer on the phone but he didn’t file a report.  I want it on record what my abuser did to me.  So I have to go in.

It took all of my courage to call the police on the phone.  Now, to protect myself and those I love, I have to go in physically.  I’m not as scared as I was to call.  So that’s a plus.

I have also been searching for a psychologist for therapy.  My benefits cover it luckily.  But it’s been hard going.  Some aren’t taking new patients.  I finally got through to one group of psychologists but I think that there is going to be a waiting list.  So we’ll see when I get an appointment.

All of this has been working in the back of my mind as I do errands and take care of myself.  I am exhausted but staying positive.  I took a moment today to reward myself.  Nature helped me recharge my batteries as it often does.  I just sat and looked over the lake.  Sipping my mocha latte.  I am walking at home now so I don’t get a view of the lake or the time to gaze over it.  I need that.  I’ve been missing that.  I instinctively knew that I needed something today so I took a moment.  Bought the mocha latte and went to the lake.

Take a moment.  Reward yourself for your hard work facing your anxiety.  Facing and surviving your illness.  Take a moment and spoil yourself!  Always keep fighting!


Canoe in Mist on Lake WIP.

canoe in mist on a lake 500 pi

Miriam’s Art is sharing her Canoe in Mist on Lake WIP pastel painting.  It soothed her troubled mind to paint this painting.  She has a special technique for the black silhouette of the canoe.  Enjoy!

The black silhouette of the canoe catches the viewers eye immediately.  The yellow of the mist is not developed yet.  The black silhouette of the trees has been established.  The reflection on the water is yet to be done.

I am in a state of anxiety about seeing a psychologist.  I know that we will cover topics that will be difficult for me and my subconscious is making me aware of these topics.  Painting helped to still my mind.

I have also felt a little bit of anxiety about my art.  Art is a reflection of your passion.  Water inspires me and I have passion for a still lake.  I had thought that waves interested me.  Although they are beautiful, I am not passionate about them.  It took a discussion with my youngest daughter who is wise beyond her years to realize that I should paint my passion.  I am also passionate about animals, water droplets, flowers and about mothers and young, human or animal.  I plan to develop my passion in these subject areas further.

A used a special Rembrandt black pastel for the silhouette of the boat.  It is much darker than the regular pastel black.  The mist is in place.  Now I have to play around with it to make it believable.  The sun spot will be a challenge to do.

I was dealing with this anxiety about the psychologist and therefore didn’t post this week.  Forgive me.  My health comes first.


Baby’s Face Portrait Painting.

baby face2 500 pi

Miriam’s Art is pleased to release her Baby Face pastel portrait.  It is with great pleasure that I paint a baby’s face.  Most of the painting was done at a time of calm.  Enjoy!

The pink of the lips of the child attract the attention immediately.  They are pouting as is often seen in a baby.  The pink contrasts well with the white highlight and the skin tones of the chin and nose.

This painting was done at a time of relative calm.  Or is it that it calms me greatly to paint a child.  I am a grandmother after all!  It was a joy!

The lips were the most challenging since they can’t be red as with lipstick.  They have to be flesh pink.  I believe I’ve got them right.  I may work on it a bit more.  The lips are proving to be difficult.

This is a 12×18″ painting framed.  The painting itself is 5.5 x 9″.  Please see my website under Shop, Portfolio and scroll down to Shop Now to purchase.  It can be found at

Being a woman…a poem.

aaron-burden-90144 unsplash 500 pi

Miriam’s Art wrote a poem about being a woman this morning.  Since it’s International Women’s Day she thought that she would share it on her art website today.  Stay strong.  Stand alone.  Lean on your partner but never lose yourself in them!

Being a woman.
What does it mean?
A person of strength.
A person of dreams.
We are vulnerable and yet.
Able to withstand pain like no other.
Able to heal like no other.
Able to empathize like no other.
Yet we are victims.
Often dependent for love.  For worth.
Often mere reflections of our mate.
Stand strong.  Stand alone.
We are woman.
Independent and strong.

photo credit:  Aaron Burden with Unsplash.

International Women’s Day!


Nursing Mother 500 pi

Happy International Women’s Day!  I reflect on what being a woman means with joy and sadness.  Enjoy!

What does it mean to be a woman.  The very essence and the very core of a woman is her status as a mother.  She is biologically chosen to procreate and yet has the honor of that intimate connection with her offspring.  That intimate bond that no other human can have with her child.  She carries her child for nine months.  The baby knows her heartbeat and is connected physically to their mother.  Giving birth is a miracle.  It is like running a marathon, pain included, but is still a miracle.  A new soul, a new spirit.  We, as mothers, have such a responsibility to that new being for we shape it’s very existence, it’s soul, it’s spirit.  The child we nurture is dependent on it’s mother, us, for it’s survival but also for it’s mental health and well being.  A child is so vulnerable.  So trusting.  So cherished.  There is no other greater work in the world than that of a mother.

Sadly there is a negative flip-side to this healing and nurturing profession.  And that is that women are often the victim of molestation or rape.  The very essence that defines the most important part of our being, makes us the most vulnerable to men who are mentally ill.  Why is it that in times of stress and conflict, such as war or when men feel threatened, that the woman becomes the victim of their sexual greed.  Why is it that we are often the victim.  Often the weaker and exploited.  It is time to stand up for we all have a voice.  It is when we make others aware of our plight that we become empowered and if we stand together we can change the world.  Speak out about your sexual abuse.  Talk to a trusted friend, a priest, or a professional.  It is only in speaking out that we have any chance of avoiding the aggressor and of healing.  Don’t suffer in silence!  Speak!

And so I bring back the conversation to the joy of being a mother.  Women are often healers as well as mothers.  It is the nurturing instinct in all of us.  The empathy that we feel for fellow human beings is far greater than a man can feel.  That is our nurturing instinct.  It is an honor to be a mother.  An honor to care for that little human being that is a miracle.  And yes there are women who abuse the trust and tarnish the honor.  But the majority of women nurture and cherish that little miracle that is born of them.

If you have never had a child and are thinking of it, I recommend the experience wholeheartedly.  However it is a major responsibility.  With your nurturing and special care you create either a solid human being who can stand up to life or a child who suffers.  That child is directly dependent on you for it’s survival.  Not only it’s biological survival but also it’s mental survival.  You will shape that little human being into something that is strong or something that is weak and perhaps flawed.  It is up to you.  There are many varying shades to the child and the child is directly dependent on it’s environment as he or she is growing up.  Biology and genetics play a big role but so does the environment that the child grows up in.  We all do the best that we can but know that that child’s mental health and stability is directly dependent on how he or she is brought up and how well protected he or she is from the evil that exists in our world.  Sadly that evil does exist.  It is our job as a mother to protect our child from all that can harm him or her.  It is a great responsibility.

And so I congratulate the many mothers out there who have children that are happy and compassionate.  That I believe is the greatest indicator of success as a human being.  To be happy and compassionate towards other human beings.

A mother needs to be patient, consistent and strong.  Stay patient!  Stay strong for that little being that is a miracle that is known as your child!  Enjoy!

World Wildlife Day2.

Miriam’s Art is pleased to exhibit a collage of some of her big cat pastel paintings with a lesser cat, the cheetah, as well.  Listed are websites that are concerned with wildlife survival.  Enjoy!

A big cat is designated as a big cat because of it’s throat which allows it to roar except for the mountain lion.  The mountain lion is considered as a big cat because of its prowess in the hunt.  A lesser cat is a cat that cannot roar.  This year the World Wildlife Day is interested in the Big Cats.

Some websites that are concerned for big cat welfare are:

Snow Leopard Trust

World Wildlife Foundation

In all of the above sites you can adopt a big cat and care for it’s survival in a monetary way.  Some of the proceeds from adoption are used for research of the species.  The World Wildlife Foundation allows you to adopt a wide variety of animals:  big cats, whales, etc.

Another site where you can donate money is:

Mountain Lion Foundation

Your donation will allow the foundation to continue their battle against trophy hunting, support local people who are trying to protect a resident mountain lion,  contribute to the growing amount of scientific knowledge, protect pets, people and livestock, and give a voice to the mountain lion.


Mother and Child Red Pastel Painting.

Miriam’s Art is pleased to release her Mother and Child Red pastel painting.  It was painted to honor her grandson.  Enjoy!

In this second Mother and Child portrait I have used different colors.  The blond hair and the red background contrast well and present a much better composition.  The teal of the shirt also contrasts well with the red background.  One is drawn first to the mother’s face and then to the child in her arms.  It is not a portrait of my grandson.  This painting came from my imagination.

This painting was done at a time of anxiety due to new obligations.  It was quickly done and as always provided relief from the stress of a new event.

I painted this painting because I wanted a new angle on another painting.  This one is a larger image and the face and child are more in focus.  And it is therefore a much more attractive painting than the first Mother and Child I did last week.  Plus the different coloring makes this a much better composition.  I am trying to study color more.  I just bought a book.  However I have to go out and buy some of the colors they have recommended in acrylic paints.  So my education in color is a work in progress.  I have also bought a book and a workbook about drawing.  I hesitate to start it though since it would take up most of my time.  We’ll see when I start doing the exercises.  So I have a lot to do with my art.

In addition I was faced with a dilemma.  Which to do?  A jaguar, a baby or a wave.  All three are interests of mine.  Some more demanding than others.  My daughter helped me out with my dilemma!  She told me to do all three!  Go figure!  Such a simple decision.  So I will do all three.  As you can see I have a lot of ideas for what to do next.  My art is always a thrill and usually a challenge.


World Wildlife Day!

It is World Wildlife Day!  Miriam’s Art is pleased to exhibit her Mountain Lion pastel painting.  This is a 12×18″ original pastel painting.  Enjoy!

Since 2013 the United Nations has set this day as World Wildlife Day.  This year it honors big cats.  The cougar, puma or mountain lion is considered a big cat because of it’s prowess as a hunter.  So, following Josh Gross’ lead in The Jaguar I have decided to exhibit my artwork of a mountain lion to commemorate this day and to raise awareness that many animal species are at the brink of extinction.  We need to address issues of climate change and deforestation to protect wildlife. While the mountain lion is not endangered it is in a vulnerable state in most of North America.

For more information and an article by The Jaguar about the Mountain Lion Foundation click here!

My healing journey…

Not much has happened.  I’m recovering from the stress of having visitors.  And the stress of my daughter moving.  But all in all I am doing well.

I just thought that I’d give you all an update.  I have been walking again.  It’s such a joy to be out in the fresh air.  The snow has virtually all melted though.  I tried to take a picture this morning and it didn’t work.  I’m not very techno savvy!  It’s unusually mild out.  Which makes it beautiful to walk.  However I am anxious about ice patches.  I did some shopping today. Then I decided to walk.  I am recuperating from the anxiety I felt when we had visitors from overseas.  I just blocked out the anxiety and survived, doing what I had to do.  But the fact that I am still tired shows me that I was anxious.

On top of that, one of my daughters is moving out.  She is a free spirit and my home always has a revolving door so I’m not angry at her but I am a bit worried.  She’ll be staying with a friend though.  I pray that goes well.

I’ve met a family from Finland who is staying in Canada.  They are my cousin’s friends.  Now I am a bit anxious about going out for coffee or inviting them to my home.  There’s a lot of anxiety involved in just going out into public places.  And even anxiety about inviting them here.  I don’t know what I’ll do.  We’ll see.

I was stressed yesterday.  Someone wanted a book review of my first book.  It’s not even published yet and I thought that it would be a spoiler alert if I wrote a book review.  My one daughter said just to write a summary.  So I did.  I was all out of whack yesterday because of it.  But it helped to talk to my daughter about it.  Voice your anxiety.  Sometimes just talking about it can help.

I was also anxious about my art.  Yesterday was an anxious day.  So I talked to my other daughter about my art.  I could change my focus from animals which I love doing to waves for example.  Waves would sell much better than animals.  But then am I selling my soul to make sales?  Also I am tempted to paint babies now that I have a grandchild.  So I was anxious about my dilemma of which painting to do next and if I should change my style.  So I asked my daughter which painting I should do next.  A jaguar, a baby or waves.  She said why don’t you do all three!  What a wonderful reply!  The sky’s the limit.  Of course I can do all three.  I didn’t even think of that!  What a joy it is to have someone to talk to!

I am relatively calm.  I have to buy all season tires for my car in the spring.  So I have to budget.  That’s making me anxious.  I have to look a couple of things up that I have been putting off.  But I finally wrote them down.  I am also applying for contests with my art and writing.  So all of this adds to my anxiety but it’s a welcome relief to be worried about everyday things instead of fearing something.  My fears have subsided quite a bit.  I am much more calm.  However there are still triggers to my initial fears.  I deal with them on a daily basis.  But I am much calmer now.  So slowly I am healing.

I have signed up for group therapy.  I plan to go to the drop-in center tomorrow if the snow storm isn’t too bad.  I missed it the last two weeks because we had visitors from Finland.  I was told that I can’t miss the group therapy though.  So I’ll have to remember that.

My daughter has asked me to babysit my grandson next week.  I hope that I don’t get too tired.  We’ll see.  It is such a joy to be with him.  Although driving has made me anxious.  If there’s a snowstorm then I hope my daughter will bring him here.  However it would be a lot easier to take care of him at his place.  All his toys are there.  I’m not really set up for a baby.  I should buy a playpen.  I might do that in the future.

So I’m making plans for the future.  Entering contests.  I don’t know if I have a chance to win.  A lady might be writing a magazine article about me!  Wow!  Things are looking up.

Never stop fighting…and remember talk about your anxiety with friends or loved ones.  You don’t have to say it’s your anxiety.  Just talk generally about what is worrying you.  You never know, they might have an idea that can help you!  🙂

Mother and Child Pastel Painting.

Mother N Child 500 pi

Miriam’s Art is pleased to release her Mother and Child pastel painting.  This painting was done at a time when I was trying to rest although I was a bit stressed.  Enjoy!

The face of the mother draws the attention of the viewer immediately.  Then the eye flows down to the face of the child.  The blue of the baby’s blanket and mother’s shirt contrasts well with the yellow background.  As does the white of the faces.  The dark brown hair of the mother contrasts well with the yellow background.

As you know, we have visitors from overseas.  It has been a joy but also stressful.  I had to go out and buy the perfect gift from a Canadian.  I decided on maple syrup.  I started this portrait in the morning while I was trying to figure out what gift to buy.  So I was a bit stressed.  I lost myself in the painting and it soothed my anxiety.  When I had finished painting for the day, I had figured out what to buy.  I finished the portrait the next day after looking at it on my easel for a while.

Most of my family is overseas in Finland although I was born in Canada.  It makes it sad when people leave.  When will I see them again?  It was a joy to see my cousins and their children.  It made me fee whole.  I gave me a new sense of purpose.  I had to keep on healing so that I could see them again and enjoy their company!  Family is so important.

The painting was inspired by my grandson Erik and my daughter.  He is a good boy and a joy to hold.  I have a strong sense of everything being right in the world when I am with him.  I already love him deeply.  What a miracle and an honor.  Grandma!

This is my first portrait in pastels.  It’s a much easier and more forgiving medium than watercolor paints.  I am happy with the result.  The contour of the faces was easy to do.  I chose a yellow background since it contrasts well with blue.

If you have anxiety or depression, try coloring.  You can buy adult coloring books from Amazon or Chapters.  Pencil crayons are easy to find.  Buy a coloring book and let yourself go!  It will calm you!  Or you can start sketching.  A sketching pad and sketching pencil are relatively cheap and such a joy.  The more you do the better you will become.  Start with your favorite animal or scene.  Enjoy!