Miriam takes the time to write about her healing journey. I talked to someone important and found out something new. I created a Name Your Fear form. I am slowly going forward. Heal my friend heal.
I finally broke down and talked to my mother about my childhood. I just told her that I had had a dream about that time. I didn’t say whether it was a bad or a good dream. It helped me to figure out what age I was when I had my bad experience. I was only 1 1/2 years old. I cry. My soul cries. My spirit writhes in anguish. How could my babysitter do that! Heal my friend heal.
I spoke to my counselor today. She calmed me down. One reaction of someone else was is it credible then if you were only 1 1/2 years old. I have the memories. It is real. My counselor calmed me down. She helped me think of sudoko, adult coloring books and mindfulness. She also said that we would discuss more on Tuesday about the legal aspect of filing a third party report. It doesn’t mean that we will go to court. But it will be on record!
I have another dimension that I am dealing with. It is my anxiety. I have created a form called Name Your Fear. On it you can list your fear and rate it from 0 to 10 and then there is a column that asks Is It Real?. Here is a copy.
The most important column is “Is It Real?”. You can answer Yes or No. No one in my long history of my illness has sat me down with a form like this. No one has talked to me about my fears specifically. And I have been ill for a long time. Trying to cope with my anxiety and live a normal life. “Is It Real?”. Test your fear if it is safe to do so. Is it real? Ask yourself. Open yourself up to the fact that it may not be real and that your anxiety exists only in your mind! I have tested one fear. And I will test it over and over again. I am working on another fear. I am trying to stay tuned with reality and figure out how much of my anxiety is in my mind. This form will help. Heal my friend heal.
Again, writing this blog has helped. Hopefully it can help you too. That is why I share my healing journey with all of you.
Sorry for the rant. I am in a state of flux. Of self discovery. Of sadness. Of mourning a childhood lost. Until next time…