My healing journey…

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I have taken a step back and have to use my new acquired tools to heal.  Slowly I heal.

I read a book that brought back memories.  Bad memories.  The book was supposed to be a romance.  The book caused anxiety so I had an anxiety attack when I wanted to go walking.  I didn’t go walking that day but the next day I used positive counter statements to decrease the anxiety.  Then I succeeded in going walking.  So I thought of a positive statement that made the fear less real and less probable.  This statement increased my confidence and courage so much that I was able to go walking.  When I got home though I just read.  It was like I wanted to block out any thought.  My anxiety was so great.  So I didn’t paint or draw.  I just read for the rest of the week.  Therefore I have no art to show you today.

I am going to paint a small rat with a bunny for a baby’s change table.  I have to design it and then I’ll be painting it using acrylic paints.  I am going to be a grandmother for the first time.  Oh joy!  A new baby will arrive in December.  Such a miracle!  Such a joy!  My daughter has pet rats and wants her child to get used to rats so I will be painting a rat with a bunny on the change table doors.  It’s my next project.

Slowly I heal.

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I’ve been busy and my healing journey.

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Miriam speaks of her healing journey.  I have been very busy and it’s all been a bit too much.  So I missed my post yesterday.  But slowly I heal.

It’s been three days of anxiety because I have had appointments and it’s been my birthday.  First I went out with a friend, then I had people come over, then my daughter had a dentist appointment and today I have a doctor’s appointment.  All stressful and anxiety builders.  My way to cope is to block everything out, do what I have to do, stay calm and just get it done and get home.  My safe place is home.  But now at home all I am doing is reading.  My anxiety is so high that I can’t concentrate on anything else.  And I don’t do anything else but read.  It would be good to do some mindfulness I think.  So I’ll try this afternoon.  Maybe I’ll stop blocking then and try to heal.  It’s just been too much.

But slowly I heal.  I have less anxiety about going out or having people over.  I use positive counter statements to help.  And now I believe in the positive counter statements more than my fears which is good.  Slowly I heal.

My healing journey…

 

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Miriam speaks of her healing journey.  I don’t have much new to say.  I am facing some fears.  I revamped my form that I am using.  Some old fears have come up but I am doing two at a time now.  My story hasn’t progressed much.  But slowly I heal.

The two fears that I am facing are to go walking and taking a shower.  Now you know!  I am scared that bad people will follow me and identify me when I am walking.  I am also scared that there are cameras in my house and that bad people are filming me.  I’ve worked on the last fear logically so logically this probably isn’t the case.  So I’m more relaxed about that one!  In the park I saw a strange guy while I was walking.  It made me nervous.  I talked to my daughter and she said that there were a lot of strange people in the park and not to walk alone at night.  Which I don’t do.  So my fear has subsided a bit more now.  Belief in the positive rational counter statement that they’re not interested in me just wasn’t doing it for me today!  It helped talking about it to someone.  Something I’ve never done!  Whew!  It’s mind blowing sometimes!

I revamped the form I am using and therefore am using only one now.  It is below.

Record of Fears, Beliefs and Thoughts

So the idea is that first you fill in the event.  Then you state your emotion and rate it from 0 to 10 or 0 to 100.  Then you write down the fearful thought and rate it.  Then you write a positive rational counter statement as a response to that fear and rate your belief in it.  Then you rerate your belief in the fearful thought and in the subsequent emotion.  Then you write a comment on what you’ve learned, if your fear increased or why you are feeling the way you are.  It’s a bit complicated but when you get used to the form it works.  Then you repeatedly expose yourself to your fear (if it is safe to do so) and slowly the belief in the fear decreases and your belief in the positive rational counter statement (ie.  they’re not interested in you) goes up!  And in my case you feel more relief.  Try it maybe and please tell me if it works for you.  I am interested!

My counselor told me to write a story about me (she said it could be someone else but I’m going to leave the main character as me) fighting evil and winning.  I should have written some today but people were home so I didn’t have the privacy to do it.  I’ll keep you posted.  The idea is that I battle the evil and win!

All in all I have had a good day!  I’ve taken care of myself twice today.  I went for a walk and had a shower!  Not much to some people but for me it’s a big deal!  I feel good!  That reminds me of a favorite song.  Until next time…